Perfect~ Simple Plan

I know I am probably too old for such a teen angsty song. In reality when I hear this song I think first of my mom. How my mom makes me feel. In a matter of moments she can reduce me to that insecure eleven year old. Holding back tears so hard that if I even move my face, they will come down in a downpour, like an avalanche of emotions. So I just stand there say nothing and stare of blankly and pretend I am someone else somewhere else in another time. My mom had high hopes for me. She wanted me to go to college and be a teacher. But, I had no support from her other than knowing it's what she wanted. I never applies to the schools I wanted because, I knew they were out of reach for me. So instead I enlisted in the Marines. I went on my way for a short time. After which I moved around a lot, and searched for myself as her disappointment always loomed over me. Her disappointment was made aware to me, it still is. In the short me being a housewife/stay at home mom is disappointing. Nothing I can do is up to her standard of thought. In reality I know I will never meet this standard....

Secondly, this song makes me think of my relationship with my husband over the past few years. For some time I held back what I was feeling. Nothing I did seemed right. Over the pass year it all has boiled over. My flaws have come to surface and I see where I lack in my duties to him and the kids. Admittedly I am an overthinker. My brain is constantly busy and in thought. It seems like in this time my biggest supporter became my biggest critic. This was so much so I have asked him to leave a few times. We are working on things though. Maybe the plan for me set up by God was to be alone. I should have just left things in the mid-90's as they were...and nobody would be hurt. I am searching for the perfect me right now....

 

 

"...I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."