The first time I heard this band, I was hooked. It was this song, I randomly typed Head and Heart in YouTube's search bar. A friend and I were talking about how the head and the heart never agree with each other. It makes sense but, really can be daunting.
This song really hits home for me in many ways. When the sing "..I won't see you for some time
I am lost in my mind...", I completely understand it. Sometimes there is someone who you just love spending time with, you have that connection but, there are periods of time apart. Your mind wanders and reminisces...you sit staring blankly at nothing with music playing...lost in your mind lost in thought and lost in feeling.
"...You're already home where you feel loved I am lost in my mind..." Oh, you know in some ways this is a slap in the face. We all have some sort of love at home. Sometimes though we long for something a bit more again lost in our minds. But, this isn't just for wondering hearts it sometimes happens when we dream of perfect scenarios, living situations and for me even for the dream of a yellow cottage in the woods complete with hardwood floors and vintage colorful furniture. I get lost in my mind a lot.
The Head and The Heart on Facebook
Ever hear a whole album that just speaks to your life at that moment in time. Ukulele Songs did that for me. When I ordered the CD and Vinyl I wasn't sure of anything except that I like Eddie Vedder and ukulele's.
From the first note and breath of Can't Keep, I was hooked. I would be out in my garden or reading with this on the iPod app on my iPhone. Some evenings I would just sit in my gazebo in the backyard with visuals in my head of things past, present and hopes for the future.
When he sings:
"i wanna shake, i wanna wind out
i wanna leave this mind and shout
i've lived all this life
like an ocean in disguise"...
I about died. Well, not literally. But, I just was taken a back. Seems most of my life I have been waiting to shout for the rooftops, mountain tops and from tall rocks who I am inside. Seems for years I have been living lies, making facades to protect people from knowing who I really am. my heart is a big one, I love too much sometimes.
I want to be able to love whoever and just let it be. Life isn't about hiding things and perfection for me anymore. Life is about living and loving. Nothing should keep me down, and luckily I have found a few people who support that. So down with the lies and onto loving my life and my people. No more disguises....
I just read my dear friend Jeremy's post on this band. While he digs into particular LP's of a bands, you know me...it's all about the song. Something new here, a song not really related to my actual life. However, I do listen to this song quite often.
When I first heard this song I was so very captivated. To be honest the music and her voice is what got me. Then when I read the lyrics and saw the title I was full on in love with the song. Plath Heart as a title makes me think of the loverly haunting Sylvia Plath.
Okay, lyrics aside the music is amazing. It brings in happy and disturbing imagery. You know the kind where it seems like a dream but, it's not. I think of a long summers day with someone you want but, have never had. You have that one day, those moments. Sunflower filled fields. I see a man, he's watching her spin in this golden feild and her dress is turning, she is laughing and smile nose to the sun. He runs up to her and embraces her in his arms. Her feet up in the arm she leans in kisses him. He sets her down and she runs looking back coyly at him right in his eyes. He chases after her and they fall to the ground. They kind of fumble around for a bit and then magic happens. They look into one anothers eyes and she touches his face. They embrace and have that moment. Night falls and they are still in that sunflowered field. They notice stars and look up above and she lays her head upon his chest. A slumber sets in and when he awakes. She is gone. The sun is bright and in his eyes. He thinks he sees her standing but, the sun makes it hard to know for sure.
Here are the lyrics:
there's no loving after
all this crap we've been through
if I've not come up back to you
pretty boy your smile
planting in my spine
don't get a hold on me
is it time
we're meant to be free
no only faith
only faith
only faith
didn't do exactly what you told me
when you scold me
leads me to implore the
golden hole which was
surely given to make
beautiful children
and push and push and push
and out slides the golden baby
with nice dark hair
and beating in like thin air
not your eyes
just the beating of a plath heart
shooting in the wet dark
I poke and turn
you smoke and yearn
take me my darling for
i've been waiting so long
for you to come
It seems to me she is talking to two different people. One she feels she has let down and for some reason hold on to, and one she longs for one she wants to want her. Just my take.
Explosions In The Sky is an instrumental group hailing from Texas. In the midst of big hair, big country, big buckles and big hats comes some amazingly moving music. No words are needed to feel what they are trying to convey. It's no wonder that they did the background music for the NBC show Friday Night Lights. Granted the show is about something else big in Texas....football. The music fits lovely for what was going on emotionally for all the characters. But, I am not here to talk about teen angst and relationship issues of fictional people.
I did first hear this work on the show. Later looking up more about Explosions In The Sky, I sat with my headphones on and listened to it via YouTube. The imagery that came to me head did take me back to a place....long ago. It took me back to be younger and having strong feelings for someone and wanting so desperately to have my hand in theirs. (Maybe the song title did push that, maybe not.) Being too afraid to reach out and say "I really, really like you." So instead I would dream of holding hands under the stars, in fields, in between giant pine trees. Standing against trees or building with someones hand in mine as they lean over me so I can rest my head upon their chest. "Your Hand In Mine" is very much the theme song for all my teenage dreams.
Being young was not so easy for someone who wanted so much to just be touched and reassured she was okay the way she was. Infact I am still very much that young girl who felt just outside of love. I still want to hold hands and be told I am fine the way I am....yet, I know words alone won't reassure me.
I first heart the hauntingly beautiful voice of Daniel Johnston in the mid 1990's. I was a Marine stationed in North Carolina. During my free time I frequented many music stores and met some great people. One of the music store guys gave me a copied tape of Daniel Johnston. This by far is my favorite of his songs.
A couple years back I watched the documentary on him The Devil and Daniel Johnston. It made his music even more compelling, and it hit home. My dear Maggie girl already has suffered times of depression and sadness. She sometimes wonders why she has no friends and if she will ever have one friend to be her forever friend. She is an amazing seven year old artist. She is moody and so loving at the same time.
She cries sometimes thinking of all the friends she thought she had. Then we moved three miles away. Those friends are still local and she is left to the side. I know she can be hard to handle, but it seems so unfair for a child to suffer the way she does.
I want her to know in the end she will have at least one good friend. She may not have that friend now or even five years for now, but I know that friendship will be the truest love she will ever have. I just hope she has her eyes and heart open to see it, and not be closed off like I once was.....
I have had the pleasure of seeing Third Eye Blind twice. The first time I saw them I was 21 and living in North Carolina. The second time was just recently, 35 and in California.
There are many Third Eye Blind songs I want, need to write about. This is the one calling me today. Some time ago my husband had read the back story for this song. He shared it will me and it made even more sense to me....it belonged to me more.
For most of my teen years and into my early twenties I struggled with my sexuality. Not struggled in the sense that I hated myself for feeling the way I did, just had a hard time letting it out. A few people knew I was bisexual. Nobody knew I was dating various women. During this time I drank a lot. But, this was not my only probably I have always had a hard accepting myself for who I was as a person.
Inside I felt ugly and horrible. I felt like I did not belong, I felt outside of things. Like there was this bubble around the world I was in and I was outside watching what was going on. This was especially true my junior and senior year of high school. I was at a new school and in no way shape or form did I fit in. The world was blue and white there. All the girls had the same dresses and 90210 hair cuts. All the guys had letterman jackets and Zach Morris hair. Okay, okay not quite everyone but, most of them. They seemed to be stuck in this Wednesday night sitcom and I was stuck on Request Video with Henry Rollins.
While my life was music, poetry and politics....life for these kids was something too bizarre to me. I came from a school set that was involved in life outside of their area code. Well, now I sound judgemental and maybe I was with my Doc Martens, plaid skirts and Velvet Underground records. But, I just wanted to be accepted not belong to anything just accepted. I knowing or feeling rather that I was not an acceptable person there, how could I possibly share with anyone that I had feelings for both genders. I wasn't even dating.
Life went on, I graduated and entered one of the most homophobic arena's The United States Marine Corps. I found myself on the loose here. I did feel a sense of belonging here but, not totally accepted. I drank more and slept around a whole lot. Some Sunday's would come and I could barely recognize the face in the mirror. I knew something had to give.
When I was discharged early as a result of a bilateral knee injury, my life fell to pieces. I went home to a life I had tried to escape. I tried several times to come out to friends. Most nights when I woulkd walk in the warm desert moonlight I considered just falling asleep in the weeded feilds, and letting be whatever would be. Looking back, that is really horrible.
I moved out of my moms and shared an apartment with a few guys I had graduated with. Life went on I struggled more. Found myself missing some old people from the Marines, also found myself feeling I was falling for some in my present. But, did not want the rejection I felt I would get with outing myself. There seemed to be not one person I could tell. So alone I spent most night in my thrift shop furnished loft room. Pushing people out wishing they'd push in.
It wasn't until years later that I came to terms with who I am. Now, I am one mostly happy girl. I say mostly because I have my days when it seems I can't do a darn thing right.
I am glad I stepped back from the ledge and that I have people in my life now who know me and love me just the crazy way I am. Thank you
I can not say just how much I love the original version of this song. Back in my early tweens and teens nothing compared to the Cure. I was the girl with dark hair and eyes wanting nothing more than to have someone make me feel good, yet skeptical if someone tried to. This was one of my favorite the Cure songs for a very long time...okay okay it still is. I first heard this cover in 2004 when it was featured on the soundtrack for 50 First Dates. I literally stopped what I was doing and looked at my tv. I remember I was cleaning up and just stood there. It is THE BEST COVER of this song.
This can tell so many stories. I hold it close to my heart. It makes me cherish the times I am alone with a loved one. Just that moment when everything around you just stops and nothing else seems to matter. You are just lost in time and space....even if you are not doing anything at all. I love that feeling of comfort, wholeness and dizziness. And then that moment ends. It's gone but, the feelings linger on, the memories don't fade but, life has come back to reality. Conflicting of course, yet just what you needed at that time in your life.
"...wI'm alone with you you make me feel like I am free again whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am clean again..."
Those are my favorite lyrics.....feelings of newness.
.
I know I am probably too old for such a teen angsty song. In reality when I hear this song I think first of my mom. How my mom makes me feel. In a matter of moments she can reduce me to that insecure eleven year old. Holding back tears so hard that if I even move my face, they will come down in a downpour, like an avalanche of emotions. So I just stand there say nothing and stare of blankly and pretend I am someone else somewhere else in another time. My mom had high hopes for me. She wanted me to go to college and be a teacher. But, I had no support from her other than knowing it's what she wanted. I never applies to the schools I wanted because, I knew they were out of reach for me. So instead I enlisted in the Marines. I went on my way for a short time. After which I moved around a lot, and searched for myself as her disappointment always loomed over me. Her disappointment was made aware to me, it still is. In the short me being a housewife/stay at home mom is disappointing. Nothing I can do is up to her standard of thought. In reality I know I will never meet this standard....
Secondly, this song makes me think of my relationship with my husband over the past few years. For some time I held back what I was feeling. Nothing I did seemed right. Over the pass year it all has boiled over. My flaws have come to surface and I see where I lack in my duties to him and the kids. Admittedly I am an overthinker. My brain is constantly busy and in thought. It seems like in this time my biggest supporter became my biggest critic. This was so much so I have asked him to leave a few times. We are working on things though. Maybe the plan for me set up by God was to be alone. I should have just left things in the mid-90's as they were...and nobody would be hurt. I am searching for the perfect me right now....
"...I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."
