Oh, What A Spectacle!

Feeling Blue

I am feeling a bit blue. Not entirely sure why. Maybe ending nine years of breastfeeding and still longing for one more baby has left me sad. Maybe because my sister just had a baby and it seems I am being held at bay from speaking to her. Or maybe it's because I can feel the emotions of those I hold close, someone somewhere may be not feeling well. Whatever it is, it needs to end. Last year I yo-yo'd with depression and I was happy to leave it there.

I have been working on a blog for positive body image. I have to say it brings me joy and is an amazing outlet. Finally comfortable with me. I have some amazing friends and amazing support. I just hope like other things I attempt it does not fizzle.

 

Love and Blue Days

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Oh Girl, Love Yourself! Curves and All!

I have had weight issues for most of my life. I have discussed them on my blog before. But, lately I have come to love all my curves and respect them for what they are. Every inch of my body I once loathed I have grown to understand. There is still exercise and hope for some weightloss going on, I will not lie. But, I am happy nonetheless.

In my mind, I know I will never be that 105lbs of 18 year old energy again. After five kids my hips are wider, my breasts bigger and am much softer to the touch. There are some stretch marks on what were once abs and a lovely mother apron. My face is much rounder than before...and this is who I am right now. I should love who I am and not want to be who I was or someone else I see.

This is me. This is who I am after birthing five kids and nursing for nearly nine years. This is me at 35 years of life on earth. This is me on home cooked meals and fast food. This is me good camera angels and bad ones. This is me being....ME!

Love your body so it will love you!

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Oh, What A Weekend!

This weekend was so crazy in a very good way. I did some writing on request and was told it was really amazing. That made my weekend amazing right there. That was great. Maggie spent Friday night at a big slumber party. Apparently she was cracking jokes and being fun. I am glad I opted out of being a helper so she could be herself. This warms my heart. I would share a picture but, unsure of some of the parents wanting their kids on my blog.

Saturday, I joined a group on Facebook called The Full Body Project. I submitted a picture and this is it. This is what I wore Saturday during the day. New dresses make me smile. Well, new to me ones.

 

Full Body Project

Saturday night I went to an old school friends house. They have a bar in their garage. It wa spretty awesome and I may have drank a bit too much. Well, enough to talk way too much on the way home and in text. But, nothing I said was lies or regrets. Just me bold on wine and some kind of vodka drink. Which I will be making soon.

 

My beautiful friend Dawn and I.

Sunday was so busy but, not in a bad "I want to go home and die" kind of way. My friend Jessica (who does my tattoos) went on a wild adventure to find a place to walk/hike in the rain. It was so much fun. We ended up at a park with a hilly path. Since there was water flow from the rain we had to do some jumping.

Jessica and myself

 

Me jumping over water

I fell on some slippery mud and rocks. I laughed because it was pretty funny. We had a ball.

 

me after my fall...hilarious

Jessica made Waylon his own Martian. He loves is and has named it Google Chrome. He likes that it has a rocket toy. I think it will be well loved.

 

Waylon and Google Chrome with his paper iPhone

 

Love and Weekend Fun

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Learning to Love my Body

 

Keyword is learning. While I do not have any current "full body" pictures I assure you I have a full body. If you were to meet me say, at the local store or at the park you would know I am overweight, curvy and have given birth to five children. You will notice that I am in fact where glasses so I can see if someone is throwing sand in my kids eye and not for some fashionable purpose.

I have taken up walking and the ocassional bike ride. If the kids are asleep and I am all alone I will indulge in the free 10 minute workout. I have lost some weight gone down a size or two. This does not in anyway make me more womanly or beautiful as it would be. But, for me....seeing curves and lines is amazing. It reminds me "this is my body". All these curves and softness are mine, this is my body and I should love it.

Yes, I have once of those wonderful mothers aprons. I have learned that after five kids I should not expect to have Angelina Jolie abs...but, be thankful I have children from my own body. my hips are wide and my thighs are not completely tones. I am short and anyone that towers over all five feet two inches of me would see I have large smooth breasts one slightly bigger than the next. The skin on my face is not all creamy and one color...but, it's mine. I have freckles and moles here and there...they are part of what makes me....ME!

My calves or toned and strong. I have bony ankles and elbows. My shoulders are soft and tan.  When I look in the mirror I have learned to see the beauty that is me. Black hair that touches my shoulders and wisps across my forehead. A nose a bit wide but, perfect for my round face. I see the colors decorating my arms and chest....all an extension of what is lingering inside of me.

So if I lose 100lbs or stay where I am...I am happy that this curvy, soft, tan body is mine.

Love and Soft cuddles,

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The "B" word...no not that "B" word

 


I am in the beginnings of going back to an old style. One that is very dear to me, and challenges me not to be lazy in my way of dressing.  I spent 30 minutes on my hair this morning and rarely spend that much time getting ready for my normal everyday life.

Growing up I was not (or at least I thought) the pretty girl and never was the  "B" word (beautiful) girl. I still don't consider myself to be that way. When people compliment me on my looks I usually think they have had some eye surgery and have been left with blurry vision.  Perhaps they have beer goggles on and are mistaking me for someone else who has a more narrow nose, straight teeth and a nice body. Even when my husband and closet friend say something I get an uneasy feeling. I get uncomfortable, say something about how ugly I really am and perhaps it's the angle and the PBR in their hand.

In the past year or so some of my old high school guy friends have said they always thought I was the "b" word. WHAT? I often turn to the female version of Charlie Brown and think "I wish I had known so I would not have had a lifetime of self-doubt". But, that is not what was in the cards for me. So maybe now I can finally appreciate what I have to offer. I know my nose is wide, my teeth are crooked, my face has moles and my body has proof is has made five amazing children (plus an additional six who have gone on).

After a talk with a dear friend, I can say "Thank You"

Here are some screen shots from my iPhone....proof to me that people see things, I still can not. Also, proof to my mom that even though she did not think I was beautiful other people do.

 



 
Peace and Big Hips.

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