Oh, What A Spectacle!

Feeling Blue

I am feeling a bit blue. Not entirely sure why. Maybe ending nine years of breastfeeding and still longing for one more baby has left me sad. Maybe because my sister just had a baby and it seems I am being held at bay from speaking to her. Or maybe it's because I can feel the emotions of those I hold close, someone somewhere may be not feeling well. Whatever it is, it needs to end. Last year I yo-yo'd with depression and I was happy to leave it there.

I have been working on a blog for positive body image. I have to say it brings me joy and is an amazing outlet. Finally comfortable with me. I have some amazing friends and amazing support. I just hope like other things I attempt it does not fizzle.

 

Love and Blue Days

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Oh, What A Week!

I have purple hair and my Eddie Veddar album came. Am I too old for colorful hair? or too young? I think it's the right hue. I get lots of compliments when I am out with my purple and black hair with red lips. Mostly from drunk cholos and old white women. I love old women in general. So those compliments make me happy.

For some reason I thought a trail walk in 100 degree weather would be fun. Well, it was and we even had lunch. Where are my kids hats? That's right we don't need any stinken hats. We left shortly after this for a friend emergency and enjoyed the rest of the day pool side and inside.

Wednesday, I went to an old friends house. We have not seen each other in over 15 years. He is still very much himself and we have more in common now. It was a great day visiting him and his family. We talked, drank honey tea and played video games. His kids and mine got a long famously and I smell a betrothal between his oldest son and my daughter. I like when I get together with old friends and it's like a day has not passed.

Today my Lego loving, thrift shopping boy turned nine. Oh my goodness can he be nine? Apparently so. I was gone the first part of the day on an emotional journey of getting a friend for a mental hold at a hospital and taking another one to the cemetery after 20 years to visit her oldest daughter. When I came back into town it was all about Joaquin. He had a Neapolitan shake, went to Target for Legos and went thrift shopping at The Goodwill Store. We came home for dinner and cake. It was a good day. I feel badly we missed the Katy Perry concert but, she returns to LA in November. I think we have a date coming up.

Love and Long Weeks,

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Oh Girl, Love Yourself! Curves and All!

I have had weight issues for most of my life. I have discussed them on my blog before. But, lately I have come to love all my curves and respect them for what they are. Every inch of my body I once loathed I have grown to understand. There is still exercise and hope for some weightloss going on, I will not lie. But, I am happy nonetheless.

In my mind, I know I will never be that 105lbs of 18 year old energy again. After five kids my hips are wider, my breasts bigger and am much softer to the touch. There are some stretch marks on what were once abs and a lovely mother apron. My face is much rounder than before...and this is who I am right now. I should love who I am and not want to be who I was or someone else I see.

This is me. This is who I am after birthing five kids and nursing for nearly nine years. This is me at 35 years of life on earth. This is me on home cooked meals and fast food. This is me good camera angels and bad ones. This is me being....ME!

Love your body so it will love you!

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Oh, What A Weekend!

This weekend was so crazy in a very good way. I did some writing on request and was told it was really amazing. That made my weekend amazing right there. That was great. Maggie spent Friday night at a big slumber party. Apparently she was cracking jokes and being fun. I am glad I opted out of being a helper so she could be herself. This warms my heart. I would share a picture but, unsure of some of the parents wanting their kids on my blog.

Saturday, I joined a group on Facebook called The Full Body Project. I submitted a picture and this is it. This is what I wore Saturday during the day. New dresses make me smile. Well, new to me ones.

 

Full Body Project

Saturday night I went to an old school friends house. They have a bar in their garage. It wa spretty awesome and I may have drank a bit too much. Well, enough to talk way too much on the way home and in text. But, nothing I said was lies or regrets. Just me bold on wine and some kind of vodka drink. Which I will be making soon.

 

My beautiful friend Dawn and I.

Sunday was so busy but, not in a bad "I want to go home and die" kind of way. My friend Jessica (who does my tattoos) went on a wild adventure to find a place to walk/hike in the rain. It was so much fun. We ended up at a park with a hilly path. Since there was water flow from the rain we had to do some jumping.

Jessica and myself

 

Me jumping over water

I fell on some slippery mud and rocks. I laughed because it was pretty funny. We had a ball.

 

me after my fall...hilarious

Jessica made Waylon his own Martian. He loves is and has named it Google Chrome. He likes that it has a rocket toy. I think it will be well loved.

 

Waylon and Google Chrome with his paper iPhone

 

Love and Weekend Fun

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Yea....it's not a lazy eye

This morning when I was taking my vanity picture because, I am so very vain....I noticed a familiar problem. One eye appearing smaller than the other and one eyebrow lower. Some years back I had Bells Palsy. I woke up with half of my face paralyzed. Let me tell you I was rather scared, and off balance. Being the overthinker I am, I thought I had had a stroke. Turns out it was not, rejoicing music que.

I got to take steroids and wear an awesome eye patch. There was also numerous creams for my eye so I would not have vision loss. Let me tell you it was a glamorous eight weeks. Even my hearing was horrible. The ear on that side was so sensitive I could not enjoy music, I had withdraws from Loretta Lynn big time. The Cure made my skin crawl and Linkin Park sent me into convulsions.

Little did I know though that Bells Palsy is a virus related to chicken pox...weird I know. Also, with talking to an online friend, I found out it is reoccurring...it can return and she had it return once when she was at a Chris Issak concert and he was super friendly with her. Okay, back on track.....where was I? Oh, yeah the virus...I looked more into it this morning since my face has a slight tingle and it turns out it is very common in those with Epstein-Barr virus which causes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

So I started thinking back to when I began my cycles of complete and utter periods of exhaustion...BINGO! When I had Bells Palsy it when it began. How the crap have I gone nearly seven years without putting that together? If my doctor refuses to test, I guess I will need to find a new doctor since she assumed it was my thyroid..which I do not think causes facial paralysis. I could be wrong, seeing how I don't have a degree and all....but, I know I am not!

If I end up in an eye patch again I will defiantly have to decorate it or something. Well, now that you know why my face looks odd from time to time...you can go out and buy some eyepatches.

Love and Joy

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What's up Today?

I got up siper early to clean up and all that jazz.  I will post more on that come fall. :) Today, I am once again attempting my Uke. Seems everytime I grab is Hezzie grabs it. How nice is that?

We are going to get more hens today as one of the dogs killed our two :sigh: at least he did not eat them, I suppose.

Park day is later and I hope my husband enjpys it. It's not something he has ever been to. :)

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Much medical testing and such goin on. I hope my random tiredness and feeling ill often comes to an end soon.

Much Love

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Avett Brothers & David Mayfield Parade

Last night was an amazing night. My friend Anegla and I went to a concert at Pechanga Resort and Casino. The opening act was The David Mayfield Parade and the headliner was none other than The Avett Brothers.

All I have to say is that this experience was amazing. I was taken back by The David Mayfield experience, even though we came in mid-set. The energy of this event was great, it felt like one of those youth group camps from high school where the Holy Ghost takes you over. I kid you not, I just felt the weight I have been carrying leave my entire body and mind. Fiddles, guitars, bajnos and the like blew me away.

 

 

There was so much emeotion and even though I carried a smile, I shed some pretty good tears. I raised my hands, stomped my feet and even danced. I kicked off my red gingham shoes and planted my feet on the wood bleacher boards that we sat on and sang along.

 

Then The Avett Brothers and the awesomeness that brings them from North Carolina took the stage. From the first note, I was taken away on an emotional roller coaster. Images filled my mind as I closed my eyes, sang a long and felt like I had lived the story they were telling. I felt like they were singing just for me and the tears came, laughter came and still all with a smile. I Facebooked some of the lyrics that just took me away. Granted not every single one...but, still. This performance was above the youth camp one, and not much to compare to as far as emotion and feeling.

The way they danced with their instruments and went across the stage was breathtaking. It was like falling in love from a distance. The long hair flying around and the bass being waltzed was just so great. The beats, the melodies, the voices, the denim, the plaid, the bandannas and.....oh it was exsacty . It was pure and it was good.

When it was over I headed over for some vinyl and a cd...and then there was David Mayfield. Got a pictyre, autograph and what not! I have been smiling ever since.

 

love and banjos button

Feathered and Fur Friends

Yes, we got some more animals. We now also have a guinea pig and a bird. The kids are very excited and love them already. Maggie holds the guinea pig like a baby. Joaquin and the bird have become fast friends. The bird sits on his shoulder and also, now on his finger no pecking! He is very excited.

Joaquin has Autism as I have mentioned before. When he has something of a living, breathing companion he feels secure. I have always found it interesting that he loves birds. They have flight and in some ways that seems gravity defying. Joaquin has sensations quite often that he is losing his gravitational pull. He was get visibly and vocally upset. He needs rocks in his pocket and....someone to hold is soft pudgy hands.

Maggie probably has ADHD, and maybe be Bi-Polar. This is what has been suggested but, without proper diagnosis. Either way, like Joaquin we still love her. Animals calm her down so much. She has her lab/pit mix lay down with her and he spoons her face to face. She will close her eyes and strokes his coat and everything is good. Small animals give her something beyond herself to care for and nurture. She loves this.

These a few of the reasons I don't mind having various animals around.

Love and Animals.

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Changes

 
Still not satisfied with the new blog name. I may drop the love. There have also been changes in my appearance and life in general. We are preparing as a family for a few things coming. One that is quite exciting and I can't talk about quite yet.

Cleaning out and painting the house! This excites me.

for now that is all

love  and hot summer days

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Learning to Love my Body

 

Keyword is learning. While I do not have any current "full body" pictures I assure you I have a full body. If you were to meet me say, at the local store or at the park you would know I am overweight, curvy and have given birth to five children. You will notice that I am in fact where glasses so I can see if someone is throwing sand in my kids eye and not for some fashionable purpose.

I have taken up walking and the ocassional bike ride. If the kids are asleep and I am all alone I will indulge in the free 10 minute workout. I have lost some weight gone down a size or two. This does not in anyway make me more womanly or beautiful as it would be. But, for me....seeing curves and lines is amazing. It reminds me "this is my body". All these curves and softness are mine, this is my body and I should love it.

Yes, I have once of those wonderful mothers aprons. I have learned that after five kids I should not expect to have Angelina Jolie abs...but, be thankful I have children from my own body. my hips are wide and my thighs are not completely tones. I am short and anyone that towers over all five feet two inches of me would see I have large smooth breasts one slightly bigger than the next. The skin on my face is not all creamy and one color...but, it's mine. I have freckles and moles here and there...they are part of what makes me....ME!

My calves or toned and strong. I have bony ankles and elbows. My shoulders are soft and tan.  When I look in the mirror I have learned to see the beauty that is me. Black hair that touches my shoulders and wisps across my forehead. A nose a bit wide but, perfect for my round face. I see the colors decorating my arms and chest....all an extension of what is lingering inside of me.

So if I lose 100lbs or stay where I am...I am happy that this curvy, soft, tan body is mine.

Love and Soft cuddles,

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