I have been so busy. Just keeping up with daily things and new projects. The kids have been doing great. So many little projects. I'll just post pics.
Me and D-Rex on a mommy-son date
Jessica and I hiking
Acoma melon we grew and ate.
Hezzie with MannieQuinn. I am attempting to sell dresses.
Maggie goofing around.
Love and Life,
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Today was the family reunion for my mothers family. There we many people there and actually many people missing for various reasons. All in all it was a good time. Before the reunion my cousin came by. She went to see her daughter who turned 12 before she came by. We chatted for awhile and I gave her some clothes that have outgrown me.
At the reunion she got to visit with many people she had not seen in some time and had no clue she is about to start dialysis. She explained that my brother and myself would be getting tested to give her a kidney. Many others offered up as well. Love was felt big time. There tears, smiles and hugs from her as the breeze blew through the park.
The kids played in bouncy houses and at the playground as adults chattered about their lives and of those of their children. There were people who had not seen each other in decades look in amazement seeing how little kids had become adults and even grandparents. There tables after tables lined up with homemade and store bought food. You could smell several homemade salsas of various heats, pasta salads and chicken made every ways. Meat and napales sat in a tin container and everyone waited for their taste. Carne asada was on the grill and drinks were abundant. There was the beautiful clinking sounds of horse shoes and the laughs from all.
There were many camera's capturing smiles from adults and children. There were children with snow cone stained faces as music from the like of The Mary Jane Girls and Marvin Gaye moved along with the branches of the trees. To see so many people come together after so many years was a good thing. I am happy my little family is part of that tree.
but, I loved my dad no matter what. I don't think their have many uninfluenced instances where I was mad at my dad. Before I go forward any more...I swear if any of my parents (step included) ever read this....I may come up missing or tweeting someone broke my computer.
When I was born I was born into a family that was large and close. My mom and dad were sweethearts from way back. They were not married when I was born, I have been told I was planned. My mom was twenty and my dad was twenty-two.
As time went on we lived in a little house in the barrio near family. We had a dog she got ran over. Life was always a party, beer, the smell of marijuana and music. The carpet was shaggy and my dad was golden in my eyes. She wore great fedoras and pendelton shirts. He creases were always fine and his hair was sleek black. My dad was awesome.
My mom was thin and tan. Her hair was a dark brown straight and parted down the middle. She haad the perfect eyebrows that every chola wished they had. She was athletic and liked to make crafts with me out of wax paper and crayons. She would dress me matching from head to toe and have me pose for pictures. They were a beautiful couple. I often thought they were the envy of the Barrio.
We moved from one house in the barrio to another. I had my own room complete with a captains bed, little table and chairs and big jars of delicious smelling Play-Dough. Life seemed great. We had parties for Halloween at my Nina's. There was a swing set in my front yard and frequent visits with my grandma Chavie and grandpa Turk.
Dad would cruise us kids to see movies at the drive in. I would also cruise with him to see his lady friends. I would also cruise with my mom to see her man friend. I spent many hours sitting in living rooms watching television. I also spent many hours listening to adult conversations. What would I say anyhow, I was maybe three and four years old. My life was taking a turn out of the southside.
Mom got pregnant and had my brother. Play-Dough disappeared and parties were not very frequent. Tight lipped remarks were in the air. And then dad got someone else pregnant. I heard him tell my Nina at the fence once he didn't think she was his. My Nina shook her head and gave him that "yeah right" look.
We visited that woman and the baby girl in their apartment. She looked different from me. Her skin was light and so was her hair. The apartment looked fancy to me. She was my sister.
Mom and Dad split up. My life took me out of the Barrio. Sometimes the time line gets blurred as to where we went next. I remember living with my Nina in the back house. The big claw foot tub and faking sleeping when mom had her friend over. We lived in an apartment with her man friend who drove a Charger. He drank a lot of beer. But, so did my dad. But, he was not my dad.
The new man was towering tall six feet four inches. He had curly hair and a deep powerful voice. He would blast his music and it was noisy. I wanted my dad. I hated my mom. Why had she left my dad? Whenever I saw my dad he would say he loved my mom, and always would. I believed him and my mom lost all her glamour.
Once when we were being exchanged my dad and the new man got into a fight. Right in front of my moms sisters house, right across from my dads parents house. I know my dad was hurt, and probably would have fought more had I not been there. I was six, with big glasses and a goofy smile. Think a little Mexican version of Heather Matarazzo in "Welcome to The Dollhouse". My heart was breaking. I wanted my mom and dad in the same house again even, if they had friends.
My dad got together with the lady with his baby. My mom stayed with the towering German.
I still wanted my dad back.
Mom and her new man fought a lot. He would hit her, she would hit him. They drank a lot. Some mornings I would wake up to Coors cans all over.
I wanted my dad.
We saw my dad on weekends. He would cruise us in his impala Sometimes he was not with the lady with the baby, sometimes he was staying at his sisters house. His heroin addiction I believe was beginning to get bad.
Time went on. Mom and Dad married the new people. It seemed nobody wanted us, and mostly nobody wanted my brother. There were times my dad missed picking us up. My step-dad would trash talk him and so would my mom. "Junkie" "loser" The words sstabbed at my heart even more. Letters would come from jail, and I loved that my dad remembered me. Once he came at Christmas to get us, he had brought me a jewlery box that played music. I was about eight or nine and it had the picture "The Engagement" by Norman Rockwell on the front.
Once in a rage my step-dad threw it. It broke and stopped playing music. The hinges would not be fixed and the blue velour lining started to come undone.
My step-mom always seemed to want us out of her hair while she cleaned or whatever. She was jealous of my mom. I never understood why. She had my dad, she had kids with him....he was hers. He still is.
She was never our right mean to me. She seemed to genuinly try. But, we were differnt people in different worlds. She was outgoing and social. I was resevered and bookish. She wanted to talk with me about boys and I wanted to talk about music or "Revenge of the Nerds". She would idulge me. She bought my a nice record player for Christmas once. It was a great gift for a girl of 12 who had been listening to The Smiths and Depeche Mode on a tape recorder.
We had words at times because, my dad lacked communication. Also, I could be a smartass without even knowing. When I was 12 I went to live with them. My mom was mad, I have always thought it was because she had to clean the bathroom. I also thought it was because she hated my dad and step-mom. But, why would I stay in a house that was full of abuse and often I was the reason.
My step-mom sometimes was mean. I had my own room, was never allowed to share a bedroom with anyone for some reason. My walls had pictures of movie stars, singer and the like. Most of them were pictures of girls or women I wish I had the style of. My step-mom was mad at my dad once. She came in yelling telling me to turn of my music. She asked if I was a lesbian, I just looked at her. What did she want me to say? I had never even held a boys hand or kissed one or a girl for that matter. All my posters had to come down....even my beloved Corey Haim ones. Soon after my dad was arrested in front of me, yet again. I stayed with my dads parents for awhile. Then I had to beg to go back to my moms. Life was over.
Once dad was back home weekend visits resumed.
I lived with them again in high school. Only because my step-mom admitted she did not want to be the bad guy. That was fine with me. My clothes were often a topic of discussion and my lack of dating. It was not always good.
I have to say despite arguments over posters, books, music and clothes my step-mom did some great things for me.
We don't have the best relationship but, sometimes we are the only one, each other can talk to. My step-dad and mom divorced some years ago. I also forgave him for the abuse years before that.
Now I am a step-mom and wish my step-daugher had chosen us at one point.
I love my dad, and even though he only has uttered those words to me once....I know he loves me.
Love and Steps
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We have been spending a lot of time out back in our bitty garden. I am glad to say not all my corn and other crops have been destroyed. Our malmute/shep puppy is big and likes to frolic in the corn. Our two year old likes plucking sprouts and then there was the weird frost that hit. Some of the corn is growing crazy and almost sideways. We also have rogue patches of corn from spilled packets of kernels and some....where rows where planted they all have congregated in one area and look like a weird corn bush.
Then hens have yet to lay eggs. But, we still love them and feed them. The kids baby them and I am sure irritate them. But, hey at least they are loved.
I have many flowering beans and maybe next year I will label all my beans where I plant them...crazy me. The kids have already picked pole beans and wax beans for fun afternoon snacks. Lot's of melons, lemon cucumbers and squashes are flowering. I am in love with flowering plants.
On a side note my very best cousin is in the hospital with failing kidney's and needed a blood transfusion. My friend JRJ who I blogged about, his grandma suffered a major heart attack and stroke yesterday. If you pray, please pray for them both. My heart is aching for them.
Love and Life,
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Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say. That in itself is funny because I have busy brain, really this thing does not stop. Mid conversation about grocery shopping and I am thinking about a million other things and feelings. Not sure if that makes sense to other people but, that is how I function.
Lately, I have been thinking about my death and my husbands death. I know not ideal for a 35 year old. But, that is some of what is on my mind. If I die before my husband what will he do? Who will he be with? Will she be nice to my kids? Basically, he would need someone. We had this talk while I was in the shower. He kind of chuckles because he knows something is always on my mind. I gave him a short list of ladies I think he would pair up nice with and that I think the kids would like. I know it's weird. It's also more likely he would pass first.
We still need life insurance because part of the plan (if we still have kids in the home) is travel. Take the kids at home around the country or continent. Let them see things and experience more than what is in our reach. Then I started thinking, because I always think, why should we wait? Really is there a good reason we should wait for one of us to die? Plus, I get tired driving, I would need a driver....a manly driver because woman make me crazy. So I think we need to travel more. Go somewhere more than two hours away. I want my kids to see the Redwoods, the Grand Canyon and Mt. Rushmore. I want my kids to learn young to live and enjoy life. Enjoy the people you love and the people who love you. Sometimes, those people are not the same.
Back to the death conversation, my husband does not want me to remain "single and alone". That was nice to hear and he only threw out one name. Sadly, it wasn't Mark Harmon (he's married).But, I know in reality that is not how it works but, it was a nice conversation. Also, cremation is in both of our futures. Morbid maybe, but it makes me happy getting it out.
I have been watching a show called "Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition". It has inspired me. Now I need to start back up walking. A friend of mine has been walking and even though we can't walk together maybe we can motivate each other. Like walking buddies who encourage each other. I am down six pounds, probably from being six. And let me get it out I was 249lbs now I am 243 lbs. That is insane for someone has short as I am. Bleh! So I need to get down 120lbs to me in my "target" weight range! At some point I know I will need to step it up past walking and bike riding. For now...this is what I got. Either that or the cumulus cloud that inhabits the front of my body will take over.
Love and Busy Brain,
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Not only have I been sick. These are two of the five cute faces who were sick as well. Not cool.
I missed a lot of things being sick, but it looks like it was a good thing. I would have been upset, hurt and miserable anyhow. Looking forward to this weekend, we have the Autism Rocks Festival and going to spend fathers day with my friend Angie and her family. It will be cool to see her and her boys. Jimmy and her hubby get a long which is weird. He is not usually friends with males. He really does need a good female friend. He thinks most men are macho and showy. He cracks me up....oh wait my best friend is male and thinks the same thing. There must be a reason they are in my life.
I really wish my ear was not plugged up still. I feel like I have a nasty ear. Kind of gross but, the high cost of having allergies and remaining off of medications for them. Once my balance is back I need to start going to roller derby and see if I can balance myself.
For now that would be all.
Love and Ears
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The kids love science. They all do. Saturday, they wanted to go to a local musems Science Saturday. They all had fun, well really even us grown ups did. The theme was water...the kids however took to these toys. They are called Frigits. Let me just say we are trying to devise a way to have these in our house, big white boards and all. It was great watching them all find ways to make them work just they way they wanted them to.
Then we watched some soda bottle rockets launch! It was a good morning floowerd by a picnic lunch in the park.
Love and Science, Button
I purposed myself to start living this year. To stop saying all the stuff I want to do, and just do it. My son and I love music. We almost always have music on in the house. My husband also loves music, but is always busy being busy doing busy stuff. Anyhow, he likes Third Eye Blind. My husband and I saw them in concert 13 years ago in North Carolina. It was an awesome time and gave my mind a break from a miscarriage I had weeks before.
I saw that they were playing locally at the Temecula Valley Balloon and Wine Festival. My mind raced back to 1998 and being 21. Memories of that night are vivid. I went to an autograph signing at Planet Rock and then off to the concert. Jimmy met me there as did some of the high school kids who thought we were cool. The music was awesome and the crowd of drunk Marines and Sailors was really great to be in.
Well, we went yesterday to see them and Candlebox. My son was kind of whiney and we reassured him once the concert began he would enjoy himself. He was upset tall people were in front of him and he could not see. We told him this is often how these things are and just enjoy the music. At onc epoint I had him sit in some abandoned lawn chair. Told him to listen to the music and look up at the starry sky. He did, and even though him and his dad were cold (hard headed) he did enjoy himself. We left slightly befoire it was over to avoid traffic but, could hear them rock their last song.
All in all it was a good time. It was not planned way ahead and even with little money brought for extras we enjoyed it. He enjoyed it and maybe next time he will remember a hoodie.
We live, we learn and we love.
Love and Living
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We gathered a bit of food for Stamp Out Hunger.
Some of this food was given to us. Even with slim times for us we like to pay it forward.
We rode the bikes down to Estudillo Mansion for the Green Coalition's Bike Fair.
I can honestly say it was fun. All the kids except Hezzie got a new helmet. Nobody had one prior to that. There was a fun safety course that even I did. Clowns, music and some food.
There is a bit of a nature preserve and water garden we explored. It was wonderful and beautiful.
Love and Weekends,
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