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Oh that sucks. I am hoping that his daughter comes around really soon. I'm sorry that this happened to you all. Sending lots of {{{HUGS}}}.


I was real sorry to see the Facebook train wreck. I hope you leave the door open for her. Tom and I were both raised by our mothers to have an anti-dad mentality. Tom's mother told him his father was a loser cheater who didn't pay his bills. Turns out the cheating was true, but she was a horrible wife to him. He paid his child support every month even though he wasn't allowed to see him for about seven years. They didn't communicate until Tom was an adult and we were together. He didn't know that his father was a person with a sex drive, feelings, and all that until he himself was grown. My mother in general raised me to see men in an unhealty way. They were supposed to cater to *me*. Housework was split 50/50 even if I sat at home, I was allowed to yell and he had to take it, etc. It carried over A LOT into how I treated my father as an adult. If he couldn't take time out to see me on a specific day I would go apeshit on him! I felt as though he owed me everything- money, time, and the desire to take all my bullshit. It took a long time to be good to my dad. I was probably in my early 20s before I treated him like a person (sad to say that). I hope that your stepdaughter will eventually develop a healthy relationship with her dad (and you). It took me even longer to be cordial with my stepmother and I've only learned to appreciate her in the last couple years. I've always seen her as the enemy because she is the reason my dad was no longer my dad. He chose HER. He chose to spend his money with her instead of fulfilling the promise of college. He chose to make sure she had clothes she wanted. He took her to the movies and on vacation. He made sure she had a car. The most devastating is that he chose to be 80 miles away from me to be with her. I only got every other weekend and she was still there on those weekends. It wasn't enough! I think the both of us had a lot of justified anger issues with our fathers for being far away and choosing women over us, but I think our mothers' dramatization of how we were to see our fathers' behaviors was wrong. They never taught us to see the men as people with alternate lives, they taught us that they were the enemy. I miss the fact that I didn't get to have a child or adolescent relationship with my dad, and so does Tom; but once we grew into adulthood and became parents ourselves we developed a -different- type of relationship with our fathers. We don't have the warm fuzzies that one would expect from growing up with a daddy around, but definitely an adult relationship based on respect, mutual interests, etc. We expect nothing from fathers that some would. We have more of a friendship type of relationship and I'm glad we at least have that.

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