It has been some time since I have gone and worshiped my Creator in a church. I have not given up on my Creator and know He has not given up on me. It seems that church has become a social scene, and in some aspects I was even part of that crowd. Not fitting in with any certain clique a school. It reminded me in some aspects of high school. You know I was that girl who drifted from one group to another not entirely finding my place. People know of me and never really knew me. This is what church had become, and my focus was lost. There was the always inherent drama of how someones kids was more sinful than anothers, or how someone did said something, or did something so scandalous. This was not the social scene I was looking for nor needing. Behind the loving and kind words of our pastors lay some fellow church goers who were in ways representing the church opposite of what was being taught. To this day I am still not sure if the pastors even know.
I got mixed up into the drama of one a young girl. My family had been there for her to help her become who God had intended her to be. She had came out to people and was basically being shunned. This was so against was our Pastors had been preaching for years. This to me was quite heartbreaking. For as many years as I can remember I have always considered myself bisexual. No that does not mean I am out looking for something outside my marriage, but the truth of my feelings is it will always be there. For many years I thought I was going to hell because it was taught to me that it was the biggest form of sin.
As I grew older and studied and read my Bible. In my studies I became to believe it is not a sin, if you are not doing it unnaturally. Meaning people who do it just to do it, or to be cool (yes, they do exist). Just read about Johnathon and David, and their souls being tied together for eternity, I won’t go on about that. I have also learned that sin in the Biblical sense has no degree, our earthly laws do. So we see pedophilia worse than drug dealing, when in the Biblical sense, it’s the same. Sin is sin, but the one you don’t want is not believing and admitting what Christ has done for you. I believe that you can be a good gay Christian.
For months I have been worshipping at home, reading and studying more than I have done in some time. Letting God show me things and learning God is a God of Love. He is an amazing Creator and knows my heart. Granted I sometimes don’t like where my heart is but, I know it was created in such a way that I have no control. Faith gives me so much more than not having it. There was a time that I had no faith and let it fall to the wayside. So I know how it is on both ends.
When it comes down to it I hope I can find my way back into a fellowshipping situation. It would be wonderful. Just wish some people were Christ Followers vs. Sunday Christians.
Mt 22:36 “[Jesus], which is the great commandment in the law?” And he said to him, ’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”
Love and Faith
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