so today i went to a funeral. my second cousin and graduating classmate Lisa passed away. it just bring so much to consider. what if i pass away after jimmy and we still have young children? children in the home who will need love and guidance. realistically i know that nobody i know will parent how we do. the kids will be forced into public school, a few may be medicated, they will be vaccinated and told not to speak their mind. this really freaks me out.
i have an underlying fear and what feels like knowledge that jimmy will pass before he is 45. that is only ten years from now. hezzie will be 12, waylon will be 14, maggie will be 16 (oh dear lord), joaquin and dexter will be of age. in no way am i saying he will pass at that age, it just seems that way. the gift of knowing is not be gift. it's just this feeling i have been getting and he said he has the same feeling.
our families are just so different and we have lived so outside the box for so long. a decision that came gradually but, that fits us and the kids so well, that anything else seems frightening to me, for them. i have no life insurance, a will and a capable person or family member. well, okay a willing family member. it's hard enough to get someone to watch them let alone raise them. i don't regret having five amazing self thinkers. not for a bit, i just now need to figure it all out. separation from one another would just kill them.
there is so much to process and agree upon.
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