Letting Go

Via a follower I found #Reverb10. I tried adding a button to the side but, it never works for me. Not sure why. Well, I am days behind on this action so I will do my best to catch up. Here goes....

 

This year I had to let go of a lot of things. The biggest thing being a friendship that had lasted about 22 years. WOW! Reading how many years just breaks my heart. See I met said friend back in junior high school in Banning, California. We were not great friends in junior high but, during my sophomore year and her freshman year we became really close. We hung out in the same small group although, we both had friends outside that group. The closer to my senior year came the closer we got. We did some crazy things together. We were both so free spirited. I spent many nights at her house and went babysitting with her. I got to know her family pretty good.

She used to fuss about how her mom would make vegetarian meals when I would come over. Looking back it was kind of funny to me, her dad would groan with his eyes and her brother who lived at home would mysteriously disappear. I never thought much of it because, I always figured her mom was just a gracious host, plus she liked trying new recipes. She also complained a few times how it bothered her that her mom used to give me the remote a lot. You see after I got out of the Marines I basically lived there. So after awhile this wore on my friends nerves, of course I had no clue until years later.

As time passed and I moved around the country a bit we grew into different people. But, at the core I figured we were still the same silly free spirited girls. Girls who did not judge maybe joke a bit about things. Girls who did not have any concern about money because it's really good for paying bills but, not the reason life exists. Girls who loved second hand things and a good talk. But, it seemed it was not so. Since having kids and trying various birth controls I have gained a serious amount of weight. Part of it came from a bc shot part is PCOS and a underactive thyroid. I am losing some weight now, but, I did not need my friend always trying to sell me stuff to lose weight. It was heartbreaking. How about offering to walk with me,\

 

It seemed that money and things became more important than love and friendship. Don't get me wrong I enjoy having a bit of cash on hand, but, I can go without. She was the godmother to my five kids. She never seemed to understand how my son who does not "look" disabled is in many ways. He has been diagnosed with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Epilepsy, a speech delay and now they are looking at a digestive issue. She would mock me and many of our conversations would end with me hanging up and crying. She would proclaim that we were best friends to others yet, she never let me in. I had let her in long ago. I became to feel judged and not good enough to be her friend. It is true there have been times we live paycheck to paycheck so in her mind we were poor and never had money for me to do things. So she would brag about these things and how it was "expensive".

For years my husband urged me to leave the friendship. I held on. So this summer I had had enough. I left the friendship and it hurt me so much. I tried explaining and got nowhere. In many ways I think she feels she is the same but, neither of us are. We are both married now and have kids. We have our lives but, we should not judge each other on how things have turned out.

In the end I feel better and I do miss her. But, sometimes missing someone is better than the judgement.

 

Peace and Friendship,

Button

 

(picture circa 1989)

Comments

[Life with Kaishon]

Oh my goodness. My heart broke as I read this. It has surprised me as I have grown older that so many of the friendships I held near and dear have changed. I wanted it to stay the same forever.

[Button]

:) It is never easy when people change so drastically. I tend to hold on thinking a light will go on in either party. It never does.

[Account Deleted]

Oh gosh. I wish I could hug you right now, Anita. I know if we lived close to each other we'd be such good friends.
I've had friends treat me this way because of my weight and how I've chosen to raise my kids.
I let a very good friend go three years ago because she was giving me a hard time for dumpster diving and letting my kids eat the food, among other things.
She basically threatened CPS and that's a huge no no. Don't you dare try to mess with my kids.
Anyway.. I love you and think you're beautiful.

[Button]

You know I am done with people like that! I think we'd be great friends as well. I always love a good hug.