that i know. He goes by the name of Jimmy. I met him on a cool and misty November day, it was November 9, 1994. It was a nice fall morning in North Carolina. We were young Marines waiting to be picked for our schooling and were in a holding battalion. Along with two or three other young Marines we were picked for a work detail. So, we piled in the back of a five ton truck. There I saw him, he was music to my eyes. I know it sound cheesy but, there was a spark and it was ignited. Even though his first words to me were sarcastic and rude, I still was delighted in his presence. For the first years we were like yo-yo's. Lots of letters, then no letters, we were together but, not. I was with other people as was he, until October 1997 when I rode a bus for the better part of three days from Wichita, Kansas to Jacksonville, North Carolina. We married February 27, 1999. We have lived in three states and in eight homes together. We share five kids, and have had two cars. We have suffered and survived addiction, depression, children with special needs, self doubt, and issues from previous relationships. We have celebrated our love and life along the way. We have seen days where we were lost from one another and days where separation was unbearable. There have been times when others entered the picture and have made our lives fuller...we have run the gamut.
There were times when he was mean and condescending. There have also been times, like now, where the love and understanding are insurmountable. He has been gracious and acceptable for the most part. He was always calm and level headed.
I fear I am losing the Jimmy have grown to know and love. He has a lot of stress from Joaquin, Maggie and Hezekiah's medical problems. Plus my current medical issues and what not. His job was iffy for a bit and now he is sick. His blood pressure is high, he has anxiety and panic attacks. He is falling into a sea of depression and anger.
He is on several medications. The medications he is on are not working well. He is angry, pissy, depressed and can't hold a full erection or ejaculate (he has given me permission to write this). Earlier he was so upset about this that he wanted to reach out for me and find someone to meet those needs. The kids were being loud and very rude. He lost it and cussed at tow of the kids and was yelling rather loudly....screaming is more like it. I about lost it. I had to remain as calm as I could and ask him to leave. He was not thrilled and was yelling at the top of his lungs. This is not my Jimmy, this is not the Jimmy who everyone loves! He hurriedly put on his shoes and grabbed his wallet and left. We were in conversation via chat while he was gone.
While he was gone I was able to chat with jeremy for some support. Who else can I get honest answers from at a moments notice when it comes to Jimmy?
Jimmy came home and we talked some thing out. We agreed to give it a go naturally, he was glad I asked him to leave before anything got physical.
Let it be known my husband has never beat me or our children. He has never beat his exwife either. Just had to put that out there.
I am glad he is currently back to his old joking self. He is currently talking with Hezekiah and watching Veggie Tales.
I would not ever leave his side even if he was in a padded cell. He is my bestest friend and sometimes I want to slap him.
Love and Pain,
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